I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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