I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
