Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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