I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
