ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
