He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
