and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
