you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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