he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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