He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
