If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
