I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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