At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
