i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
