did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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