gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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