my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
