two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
