i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
