i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Randomize
