Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
