I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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