i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
