i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
