My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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