Me. At least after what I've been through.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
