i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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