she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
