So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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