Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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