and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
