He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
