i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
