you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
