she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
