OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
