You're my little dorito
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
