youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
