Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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