Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
