When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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