You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
