Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
