My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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