Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
