My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
