she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
