guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize