can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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