Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
