Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
