Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
