someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
