god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
