well you can't waste a boner
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize