Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
