Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
