she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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