So drunk, too bad you don't want this
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
