i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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