so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
